In addition to imaginary hot flashes and constantly exclaiming “You never take me anywhere anymore!” here are a few more signs that you may have crossed over. The following are characteristics that I’ve observed. Secondhand, of course.
You may act 30 years older than you are if…
- a productive Friday night consists of watching a marathon of “Frasier” on WE television.
- you get all “tuckered out” by 11 p.m. after said productive night.
- you use words like “tuckered.”
- ‘a’ glass of wine is plenty. More than plenty. Dangerously plenty.
- you can’t name a single song by Lil Wayne and have no ambition to remedy said situation.
- all commercials are suddenly hilarious.
- half your wardrobe (decidedly) seems to be turtlenecks. Less Annie Hall, more Erica Barry.
- you get that reference.
- it occasionally seems reasonable to you that Betty White should be “hot” anywhere.
- you choose NPR over music in the car 75% of the time.
- you agree with your mom that a new line of clothes at Kohl’s “isn’t tasteful”.
- you mute yourself repeatedly while on your cell phone because you just can’t figure out the “darn thing.”
- you contemplate getting a cat even though you are allergic and don’t actually like cats (because you are allergic). Can’t beat automatic friends.
- you are partial to making lists of characteristics you recognize in yourself with the intention of self improvement but knowledge that a “Murder She Wrote” marathon is in your future.